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Friday, July 7, 2006

...aaaaand that's what drunken blogging looks like, people.

(see: prev. post.)

"**signing off"? who the hell writes like that? well, okay, many people might. but you, My Five Loyal Readers, know that it is most definitely not my style.


so, here's my question: when did drunken blogging replace Drunken Dialies, or The Walk of Shame? how did we arrive at this technological advance? (she says, air quoting her ass off on 'advance'.)

on a completely unrelated note: so immensely happy that MedSm is back with us! went camping with his mum, as planned, and we've balanced things out over the summer, but... still. nearly a week without MedSm hugs made me mildly crazy. and tonight? loved helping him pick out hermit crabs, generally spending time with him, and also adored that he gave us both (me and hubby) tons of hugs.

truly, he is the greatest kid ever. :) (as is your kid - MedSm and i had a discussion about how his mom's mac and cheese recipe is the best ever, and how i think my mom's recipe is - and how every kid should think his mom or dad is the Best Mom or Dad ever. conversely, we all have the Greatest Kid Ever - which is just how it should be.)

:: scribbled at 1:01 AM ... ... o

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

random scattershot...

so, something that i realized in retrospect is that the disassociation i experienced this past weekend (functioning fine, but missing the anchor that is my hubby, and forgetting in the course of two days where things are in My Kitchen) is something that MedSm goes thru *every damn transition*. ...i am humbled by what he deals with, at 7 and since he was 3.5, on a daily basis.

harvested an entire gallon ziploc bag of thyme the other day - so, any good recipes, or ways to preserve the herb (outside of smoking it)?

revisited kate's move 2004, and holy freakin' sweet jeebus... set aside any karma i was looking to balance, this woman truly and well deserved all the help she got on this last round. she especially deserves props for not killing herself (accidentally or otherwise) the last time. *you* figure out what it would take to hump an entire sofa up to the second floor, on your own, on unstable stairs, at night, in the dark, in the rain - and then give kate the appropriate amount of star stickers. :)

how much do i love the Krusteaz? first off, company was started by a group of women in 1932. second, dead simple to use. third - mixes *rock out*! i used the mango bar mix to make mango macademia nut cookies, and made the coffee cake mix straight up, to take to the move this past weekend. i'm fairly sure that everyone passed out from butter/sugar highs, and were happy about it.

heard from ChicaBean tonight, which made me happy. also heard from the Cap'n (who sailed thru cataract surgery, no pun intended), bs, mom, and msmellis lately... all of which are good things.

and... speaking (tangentally) of aging... i'm fairly certain my hearing has finally hit the shitter, and i'm paying penance for years of Loud Rock Shows with no earplugs. then again, it may just be that (as Chica pointed out) my Brain Is Too Full. mental white noise screens out else. ... we'll find out, with my next physical.

also - as pissed off as i am about my own recent mathematical error, it's good to have regular income. still working on the whole budget thang... but we have money. and we're working on solvency. and life is getting better.

and... so, hubby and MedSm were watching the train wreck that is Americas Got Talent tonight. don't get me wrong - it's a great step up from The Gong Show, and there are some amazingly talented people involved. but.

they were showing a rerun of the East Coast auditions. and, when the Irish Tenor Wannabe walked out?

...i ran out of the house, to weed the gardens.

when i came back in, i asked MedSm what he thought of the "singer" (airquoting my ass off).

*snort* MedSm fired back, 'oh, you mean the guy who's good - *in his bedroom?*' and then proceeded to do a spot on, but weirdly twisted, interpretation of the ''singer''.

...ohmilord, i love our kid.

**signing off... and if you've seen America's Got Talent? please do comment! :)

:: scribbled at 10:50 PM ... ... o

Monday, July 3, 2006

more on the road trip...

it's been ages since i've taken a road trip, and can't remember the last one i did on my own - well, the driving part, at least. and it was a good experience, all around. and there were some surprises.

driving out, late Friday, i really, really dug the sunset. last time i think i paid attention to a sunset was last year, when we were at the cottage. but that was just a run to the beach to see the sun dip below the horizon. this - this was a full on whole body experience. i drove thru the late afternoon sun, and the traffic, to open spaces, rolling hills (clichèd, perhaps, but true), and the subtle shadings of changing light for two hours. the pictures don't do it justice, altho, true to blogger form, i did attempt pictures from the car. ;)

(interesting side note: i only recently learned that dog days of summer refer to a celestial event. who knew? well, okay, maybe you did, but i didn't.)

it was also lovely to be reminded that i am quite self-sufficient, thankyouverymuch. plunked myself in a car with directions, and went. don't know why this ties in to mom, but... well, yes, i do, in some ways. she doesn't like driving in new places, or cities. and also, one afternoon, she and i were talking about my divorce, and she said she admired how strong i was. whuuhuh? i never saw it as strong, just had to get the fuck out of Dodge. it was eye-opening to hear that someone saw that as strong, and i guess it was, in a way. where am i going with this.... not really sure, other than being open to the opinion of others sometimes lets us see the strengths we don't always see in ourselves.

the drive home was equally good. not the marinating in the car for three hours because i have no AC part of it, but the choosing to not attempt pictures from the car and just Pay Attention. there's a zen koan about 'attention! attention! attention!' - and in some ways, that's just the answer. show up, be engaged, pay attention, tell the truth. more than anything, pay attention. because being engaged? useless, unless you pay attention. showing up? see above. tell the truth? hey, buddy, there are a lot more truths out there than just yours. and unless you pay attention *to others*? not so productive.

anyway, i digress. the ride back was filled with good music, and hawks riding thermals, and a woodchuck (or badger, not sure which) mosying around a field looking for lunch, and gardens in unexpected places along the road, and a small meditation spot, possibly at the end of a trail, but looking out over the road - lovely, green lawn, just big enough for a wrought iron chair, and sculpture, and a few plants. hills, wonderful, green hills, with layers of green on blue on grey - again, the pictures really don't do them justice. also, a very funny and true bumper sticker that i just might have to get for Penny (my car, for those of you who don't know my prediliction for naming damn near everything).

what else.... oh, yeah, back to the light. i wish i could remember where i read this recently - the observation that the night sky gets darkest just before the sun comes up. seems counterintuitive, but it's true. extrapolate that to life situations... and it seems to be equally true. struck me as true about kate's move (fargin' dickweed landlord, begone!), and certainly about the last year or so in my life. the layoff seemed damned bleak, but in the end, i was given the gift to recreate my life, and find ways to nourish what matters to me.

i have a fantabulous husband, a great kid (who cleaned his room! the whole thing! of his own accord! just because! tell me *that* isn't freakishly great!), a home and gardens that i love, warm fuzzy beings in my life, a chance to help with the library at MedSm's school (and by help, i mean coordinate, and by coordinate, i mean help fund and staff, and what fucking school system doesn't hire a librarian, you asswipes?), a day job that feeds *both* the creative and analytical parts of me, and a side job that feeds the foodie in me (no pun intended, and yes, bs, you nailed it - it's alllll about the food). from darkness comes great light.

there was also the chance to meet new people, and find ways to connect and work as a team. fairly certain i reined in the control freak in me enough to contribute, not control, altho i'm sure i'll hear if that's not true. ;) see above: pay attention. the job gets me thinking about that, my coworkers show me tools to use, and i get the chance to try them on for size.

also, much discussion about stuff, that got me to thinking about the organic nature of relationships, of all types. perhaps more on that later, but for now - it was surprising, and humbling, to get how unanchored i am these days when i'm away from hubby. not non-functional, but unanchored. he truly is the rock in my life, and the patterns that we build in our daily lives are important to me. keeping our home running, watching out for each other, curling up together at the end of the day - i was surprised, pleasantly so, by how down to the core i missed all of that. just two days, and i forgot where everything was in my kitchen, and rediscovered just how very much i am attracted to my hubby, in all sorts of ways that probably seem very dorky from the outside, and i don't care. the way he laughs, complains, looks at me, burps, smells, argues, walks... i love all of this about him, and more.

truly, i am a lucky, lucky girl.

:: scribbled at 11:14 PM ... ... o

so, if you've been blogging a while, events seem to present themselves as entries.

or, more appropriately, you retrain yourself to think of events as posts. ;)

to wit: driving out to help kate move this weekend, it occured to me that capitalization makes all the difference. those of you who know my affection for both lower case and grammar are no doubt snickering at this point. however.

a whole lotta morphine and a bit of coke made the drive out easy. working thru dances and demons** and the cure made coming home even easier.

love and adore kate for letting me come and help - even more so because she let me show up in the middle of the night, and crash on her couch. kate is wonderful, beautiful, lucious, caring, serious, silly, funny, and dedicated. she has some amazing friends, who trucked over on a weekend to help her out. we got to move her from a place with tall, dingy, grey walls, hard spaces, and negative energy, to an absolutely perfect space for her and the kittens - bold, colorful, creative... and air conditioned. ;) the kitties all found corners to hide/roost, the entire move took about 4 hours, and everyone pitched in, helped out, didn't kvetch, didn't complain, no one was hurt...

and kate has a lovely new home. home, as opposed to house. and it feels good.

wonderful and amazing, to be able to repay moving karma (ask me about our last move sometime, and i've only recently been able to stop flinching at the sight of Penske Yellow) and meet new and lovely people in the process.

liberty day has a whole 'nother meaning for me, over the last few years. finding a new home, connecting with hubby, and being there for kate... yeah, baby. it's all good. ;)

**an awesome mix tape from a friend, and i'll post the songs at some point.

:: scribbled at 12:38 AM ... ... o