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Thursday, January 26, 2006


while many things are good these days, this was still a rough day. and then, when i had a chance to go thru my email tonight, i found this quote.

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

and that helped.

the rough part today was reading all the stories about how our donors died. one woman, 53, fell asleep and drove off the road. when the EMTs got there, she was still walking around. another older woman, with a history of depression, shot herself in the head. her mother was the one who signed off on the donor form. a young man, hanging out at home, was shot in the head several times while sitting on his own porch. a young boy seems to have died from complications of a genetic disease; researching the disease, the odds were stacked against him from the start. a young girl was hit by a car. a young boy was hit by a truck, and doctors spent days trying to save him. one infant seems to have died from 'shaken infant syndrome' - a fancy term for parents who can't cope with a crying child, IMHO. and one young girl, who should have come in to the world, curious and lovely, died almost instantly after an emergency C section.

equally bad were the reports on the teenagers. almost to a person, the reports read like this: 'MVA, victim ejected from car, coded on site'. they weren't wearing seatbelts, driving or not. if they had... if they had. who knows. one boy was thrown from the bed of a pickup, going 40 mph, and died of head trauma. (don't even ask me how many medical variations of head trauma exist.) thrown out of the bed of a pickup! part of me wants to travel back in time, and yell at these kids.

i spent many moments today trying not to cry. talking to hubby tonight, he said 'you need to find a way to leave work at work, or not care.' and while i see his point, i disagree in some ways. it's not about not caring, in any way. but i do need to let go.

what i think is this: it's possible to read all these stories, see the people as individuals, honor the decision to be an organ donor, respect the families, and... not take it to heart. i can read these stories, hold them in my hands, honor and respect the individuals, light a candle for them on my altar, and let them know that they are seen as people. just ... hold them in my hands, bow, honor, and let go.


spent time with MedSm tonight, caring for animals and cleaning cages. got huge hugs from him and hubby, which were balm to the soul. made a decent dinner. cleaned off both cars this morning. got supplies for many of The Ark.


some days. some days are better than others. here's hoping that tomorrow is one of the better.

:: scribbled at 12:35 AM ... ... o

Monday, January 23, 2006

oh, so many things running around in my brain...

first: helmet procured. the weekend was curative, in many ways. sadly, for MedSm, it involved a big, wonking nap for me. but i still got to spend time with him, so it's not all a loss. :)

second: we anticipated rain on Saturday, so we made plans to go to a movie during the day. MedSm was thrilled, because he got to bring part of his candy stash (from Halloween!), as much as he could carry in my pocketbook. he was also thrilled to see a movie, and to see it with two of his parents.

third: wow. just... wow. and... wow. we took MedSm to see The Chronicles of Narnia. i've talked about these books before; i read them when i was 7 or so, having checked them out from my Sunday school library, and loved them for the sheer inventiveness of the stories. at the time, i had no idea that they had Christian overtones. (in hindsight... but at the moment, i honestly didn't get it.) when the film was announced, i knew i wanted to share with MedSm the absolute joy and loveliness of the stories. so we'd arranged with his mom that we'd get to take him to the movie. he's been a bit impatient, has MedSm. so getting to go this past weekend was amazing and fantastic on all sorts of levels - getting out of the house, having a plan, getting to go somewhere (as we've been playing the budget close to the vest), buying snacks, seeing a Movie! on the Big Screen! as a Family! was all good.

this is one of the few movies, for me, that's lived up to or surpassed the book(s). interestingly, i hadn't realized until i'd read a few reviews that Lewis was, in fact, fairly sparse with details, in terms of how things/people/places looked. plot was thick on the ground, visual details, not so much. so, when i'd read the books, i had a very clear picture of how things should be, as i'm sure every reader did. the beauty of making this into a film is that the filmmakers had a great deal of latitude in presentation, as long as they hewed close to the text, which it seemed to me they did.

the *only* quibble i had with the film was the voice of Aslan. i have no idea who i would have cast, but ... that wasn't it.

that quibble is far outstripped by what i loved. the casting of the kids, the transition from wardrobe to Narnia, the degree to which the film represented the core of the story, the beauty of acting from the person cast as Mister Tumnus... soooo many details rang true.

plus, it was wonderful to share the experience with MedSm, who also loved the movie for his own particular reasons.

feh... snow/slush/nastiness today. shovelled my car out three times, came to appreciate the value of covered parking at the workplace, or, really, anywhere.

remind me not to wonder where winter has gone, eh? ;)

:: scribbled at 11:54 PM ... ... o