Saturday, March 5, 2005
unconscious mutterings:
You've got a friend:: Muppets
Immigration:: service (oxymoron)
Waitress:: water glass
Snickers:: bar
Recognize:: illumination
Concept:: ideology
Birthday:: pants (yeah, i don't get that either)
Told you so:: *image of small child sticking out toungue in most unpleasant way*
Unlikely:: predicament
Extension:: hair
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11:49 PM ...
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speaking of kitchen stuff - anyone else find it amusing that i use my All Clad pots and pans primarily for heating Spaghettios? :)
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9:25 PM ...
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having the right tool can make all the difference, i find.
take cooking, for example. there are the basics: good pots and pans, good cutting boards, excellent knives, measuring cups, mixing bowls, and baking pans. additionally, i've always been a gadget person - have (at least) one of everything, including a pickle fork, mustard spoon, butter paddles, melon baller, funnels, mini measuring cups... you name it, i likely have it. however, i've made a few discoveries recently.
tongs are at the top of the list. how is it that none of you ever told me how cool and useful tongs are? they are fantastic! we have two, at the moment. (side note: two tongs? two sets? two pair? what is the proper nomenclature?) one is stainless steel, and works like a charm on the grill or with larger items. the other is nonstick, and medium sized - perfect in place of a spoon, spatula, fork, you name it.
a good broiler pan is also fairly important; having the right sized pan, and one of sufficient heft, helps enormously. also, i've found that there *was* a reason to save the clamp-on-the-counter, hand-crank grinder. cold process does less damage to the food, and it's much easier to harness the abundant energy of your six year old who thinks grinding up stuff is cool. ;)
in much the same vein, i found some useful emotional tools today. the career change process has been illuminating, in many ways, and i'll probably babble about that later. but for now, today, here's my discovery: it is worth the effort to say positive things to yourself on a regular basis. and we all deserve that.
i went to a seminar this afternoon (well, yesterday, by the time i'm done writing this) on positive thinking. hey, i like the teacher, it was free, and who can't use a little more positive in their life? anyway, there were a few exercises, and i found that it was surprisingly emotional for me to reframe some of my internal soundtrack. what came out when laurie asked about our internal dialog was 'i'm not perfect'. that thought has a long history; it comes from my perception of what others want, and what i need to do to earn their (okay, my parents) approval. has nothing to do with them, you understand: it has everything to do with my perception.
anyway, that became 'i should be perfect.' okay... what feeds this idea? projecting what others may have as expectations, predicting their (negative) response, magnifying my fears, and assuming that there are only two options: perfection, or failure.
the last exercise was reframing this thought. and here's what i mean to put up on my bathroom mirror, so i can remind myself every morning, every day, of where i want to be:
i am a competent person, who is capable of learning from both successes and mistakes, and able to continually improve. my best effort is sufficient.it was amazing to me how powerful that statement is, how hard it can be to say positive and realistic things about yourself, and what an emotional journey this is, this path of self-discovery. it's not that i didn't know that, but it is powerful and illuminating (a candlelight for the brain) every time i'm confronted with it. we don't need to be perfect, we just need to be the best person we can be, each of us, with the tools that we have.
namaste, all.
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1:47 AM ...
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Friday, March 4, 2005
sorry, got a bit carried away with that last one... what i *really* meant to post was this:
yes. yes, it is. it's a uterus, complete with posable fallopian tubes. it was crafted by the ever fabulous
house9, who offered to provide them to anyone who asked (in this case, the equally fabulous
shelley. (i also got to hang out with
Madamoiselle and
jen, which made for a really nice night.)
*sigh* sometimes, it's nice to be reminded of how lucky i am to have met such great people. :)
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12:28 AM ...
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Tuesday, March 1, 2005
y'know, everyone has hot buttons - things that just send them around the bend.
for me, it's lying. lie to me, we're done. and this is such a fundamental topic for me, tied up in trust and honor and respect, that i didn't think it was possible for there to be a bigger issue.
but, oh, there is. lie to me *and* manipulate your child in the same breath? you have just crossed a big, fat line in the sand that no reasonable, sane person should cross. mess with me, an adult who can defend herself, that's one issue. dick around (in the metaphorical sense, thankfully) with a kid who is only just now developing a sense of himself as an individual? gah! that is
beyond unfair. and the burr under my saddle is that there is no way for me to be done with this individual. her lying, cheating, manipulation and self-serving ways are here to stay. all i can work on is how i act/react in the face of such utter and absolute bullshit. and the logical part of me understands that calm, rational support of LS is what will stand him in good stead. (on a related note, i'm coming to a greater understanding of the delayed rewards of parenting... the phone call, say, that will happen 20 years from now.) it's also the course of action that i'll feel best about. but goddamn! my emotional, gut reaction... i just want to smack her upside the head. often. not that i could actually knock any sense into her, but i'd be willing to try.
how... how? how does manipulating a kid seem okay to anyone? i was talking to a few friends tonight about the type of people we just don't *get*, ones who are wired so differently they may as well be from another planet. it is not possible for me to wrap my brain around wanting to hurt someone. (yeah, yeah, i said i wanted to smack her - but the impulse goes no further than my brain. it's not a
rational action, and i'd never do it. it's just an expression of my frustration with the thing that i don't understand.) *growl*
there must be a reason for this. there must be a reason that i'm in his life; there's something he can give me, or i can give him, or both, by working our way thru this bramble patch. i don't yet see what the lesson is, but there has to be one. right? *mutters to self* right, right.
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10:32 PM ...
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