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Sunday, July 23, 2006

so... in my usual late night space, where i generally get to right before a trip.

about to take off for the annual retreat for the day job. and i have to say - i'm really looking forward to it. we (they) travel a lot, and some work from remote offices, so the fact that we'll all be in the same cottage for almost five days is wonderful. i'm so looking forward to reconnecting with Our Man in Havana, and meeting Y, with whom i've only exchanged emails. and the opportunity to hang out with everyone else is wonderful.

yes, that's right, i'm excited about being cooped up in a cottage with all my coworkers. :) did i mention it's on the beach? and there's lots of yummy food and fun things to do, as well?

the only snag is, this will be the longest i've ever been apart from hubby since we got together. :/ so, in addition to my usual 'house must be in order before travelling', i've tried to make it as low impact as possible for him. laundry is done, fridge is cleaned, animals are taken care of... okay, i'd do all that anyway, but i also weeded the gardens, let our tenants know that they could reach me by mobile, made sure there's plenty of good, easy food to make in the house, set up the fish with 5 day feeder pellets, and generally over organized.

plus? i got a bunch of cards for him, one to open each day.

*cracks neck* gah. on top of all this, MedSm is at sleep over camp for the week - dropped him off at his mom's tonight, after a lovely family dinner at Skip's. so we're all scattered to the three corners for a week+, as MedSm is with his mom next weekend. he was with us this week, so it's not unbalanced. but it does feel unbalanced, because there's that whole week where he's off on his own. and he's 7! he's not supposed to independent yet! *mom brain kicks in* such an interesting phenomenon, Mom Brain. remind me to write more about that later....

for now, it's just hard sending him off for so long, and i miss him already. which fact, btw, i did tell him on the way up to his mother's, and i don't think that's bad. it's good to know that you'll be missed, and also good to know that your parental units are excited for your adventures to come.

*deep breath* good, long conversations lately with my mom and hubby. not both at the same time, mind you. one, then the other, then back and forth. we're in a bit of a crunch, hubby and me, in light of several emergencies (none life threatening, and we're all fine, and will be fine). so money is tight for a few months. this is not bad, per se. seems to be that this is par for the course for new homeowners. (have i mentioned how very, very much i hate the TV ad that barks 'homeowners! need cash?' hate it!)

it just...it just seems odd to be coming to this point now, at nearly 40. and as i said to my dad, i feel sometimes stupid for being here. dad, of course, just agreed with me. yay, go dad! ;) hey, he's relentlessly pragmatic, and i rely on him for facts and figures and calling the shots just as they lay. we are who we are. mom, bless her, is always empathetic, and while she worries about saying the right thing, always does say something, which generally does turn out to be the right thing.

so i take something from talking with mom, sit with it for a bit, come back to talk with hubby, and somehow, something shifts in the conversation. where we've come to an impass before, now the road is open. we come to the next step for him, where we'll sit down next week and hash out a business plan. he has the chops, and he has the goals, and we've finally found a way to work together, so i can help him connect the two. yay!

called mom today to fill her in, and told her how important she is to me. i count myself blessed and lucky that she is not only my mother, but also my friend.

the other part of this crunch (and i didn't think i'd be talking about the crunch, but here it is, so be it) is this: i did the rally call to friends last week. sent an email to my closest and dearest, giving them the down and dirty. not complaining, not whining, not excusing. just giving them the heads up, and asking that they hold us in their thoughts, and send me their best and brightest wishes. well, yes, us, but mostly me, because these are people who count in my life, every damn day.

goddess love 'em, they came thru with all sorts of notes, and offers, and suggestions, and this, above all: trust. trust that the universe will take care of you. trust that you put out positive acts and energy, be grateful, and be open.

... and it always works out, altho never in the way you would expect. right, kate? :)

i had no choice (well, i did, but it wasn't pretty) but to give it up to the powers that be. here was a big, nasty, black-scaled, green slime drooling, steamy icky monster of a nest of problems staring me in the face. instead of focusing on the green slime drool, i went outside, and gardened, and weeded, and took care of our space. i gave things away. i got things for free. i hung out with friends. i spent time with my family.

i was (am) grateful for who i am, and who is in my life, and made a point of thinking about what i should be grateful for.

i was grateful, and open to the fact that the universe does provide to those who are open to the possibility.

and? out of, quite literally, thin air, Money Appeared. not "change on a sidewalk" kind of money, but "pay off a few bills" kind of money. plus i've negotiated a few other things out a bit, and also found that some bills are chances to cut down on payments. yup, they are indeed - combine some things, and y'all get a great discount.

mm, mm, mm. :)

it's now nearly 2:30 am. i have to get up in a few hours, pack, and head out. listening to honey snore, and already miss him. *only four days, only four days, only four days...*

:: scribbled at 1:44 AM ... ... o