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Saturday, July 15, 2006

random scattershot post, because it's the weekend, and because that's what i feel like writing. :)

interesting thing i recently learned: in the lovely Bay State, you can be licensed as a barber shop, or a salon, but not both. you *can* get a dual license, but if you do, you need to have two businesses, which are physically separate - two entrances. and being a barber is apparently a dying art. who knew? well, a friend of mine did,but i didn't.

hating the humidity lately. how is it that the recent downpours did nothing to take down the heat?

note to self: if it looks like rain, put up your car windows. i'm just sayin'.

also? if you forget the above, be prepared for a very damp ride the next day.

i'm at the point where i need to find a new layout, but have no design skills. anyone know of a good site or resource for a garden-themed layout? i'm even willing to pay a little, if you know of a good designer. tia for any/all suggestions.

love how my perennials are coming back this year - and even happier that some of them came back from the brink. i may actually get to see blooms on the Himalayan cinquefoil this year.

i truly believe that things happen for a reason. i've come to that slowly, and (true to form) needed evidence to believe. more and more, i really think that what happens in your life is there for a reason, that you may or may not be able to see, and if you work on being open to the possibility, you may get more than you bargained for, in a good way. to wit: i got a notice today that my car insurance had been cancelled. moderately pissed, because it was my mistake, and for not much money. an hour later, i had better insurance, with a new company, at half the price, and laughed my ass off talking to the agent, who *got* all the insanity of our life as a blended family. (and that may be a story for another entry, because he was *funny*, y'all.)

most of my work week was spent in crisis mode, it felt like, altho that wasn't a bad thing - i like being the fixer, and had plenty of support for all of the situations. just... much time breathing deeply, looking outside of the moment, and reviewing the list of things to do, to see what i was missing. i'm sure things dropped off the radar, but the Big Issues were handled, and that was good.

loooooove being married to hubby. ;) and yes, shelley, we're still in the honeymoon mode, nearly 5 years in. only married a year and a half, together for nearly five. i think that, since we were both burned badly the first time around, we are highly conscious of how lucky we are to have found each other. and we've put a lot of work in to building good communication. the first two years were damn rocky. the next one, rough in fits and starts. and alllll that foundation building is paying off, in spades.

news story that made me laugh this week: the material of choice for a repair on the international space station? duct. tape. oh, yeah, baby - there's nothing like a $2 roll of duct tape to save your multimillion dollar ass. ;)

had a rockin' night with my library ladies this past week. we got together for dinner, had an awesome time, ate and gossiped, and generally were loud and rowdy. the only rule for Library Club was: nobody talks about library stuff. and we didn't. it was just so nice to have time with adults! talking about adult stuff! and not because we had to, for a project! :)

also had some lovely girl time with Chica this afternoon. (kate, i so need you to come visit here so i can introduce you two!) lots of low key hanging out, spoiling the dogs, catching up on ev-er-y-thang - as a side note, i was reminded of where my conversational style came from, and why it drives my hubby nuts. Chica and i can be talking about 5 or 6 different stories at a time, and we'll park them here and there ('oh, wait' 'remind me to' 'we'll get back to'). this is the way we've been for over 15 years. we have the hypergossipy ADD thing going on, and understand how it works. so..... i just assume that works for everyone, and it makes hubby want to poke his eyes out with a spoon.

in any event, it was great to catch up with Chica. also? whatever she's learned about orthobiotics, or whatever the hell she called it, *works*. had no idea my wrists needed adjustments, but the crackling sound was freaky and good. plus, my hands work better now.

and we set a tentative time to go hang out at The Cabin for a weekend, just us. last round of that, many drunken photos came out of it, including a quest for the perfect mirror shot, in any reflective surface. i'm looking forward to some down time, some swimming, maybe reading, definitely cooking, probably a fire in the fireplace, and connecting again with my best friend. our lives have taken us to such different places than we were in 5 or 10 years ago that i'm grateful that we both make the effort to stay connected, and that we find the space to be together.

... and, also, i hate her for getting me hooked on a new computer game. ;)

with that, i am off to catch up on emails, and try to get some sleep. night, y'all.

:: scribbled at 11:23 PM ... ... o

it's been a while since i've listened to the lusciousness that is Michael Franti. :)

tonight, i plugged in one of his CDs, as part of Spearhead. and ohmigod, i love what he sings.

lyrics from M. Franti - and if you'd like a CD of Franti/Spearhead, drop me an email - i'm more than happy to burn you a mix.

The other day
A friend gave me a call
He said that the dream team was playin basketball
Was so excited, that I hadda get a Witness
The first time the NBA was in the 'lympics
players from the east, players from the west
And you can bet that they took the very best
("Except they left Tim Hardaway at home"
"Yeah that was hella fucked up!")
But Anyway
I tuned in because I was hella psyched
To see Magic Johnson on the same team as Mike

Gettin crazy, havin' lots of fun
makin sure that they got the job done
Fans were wavin the red white and blue
It seemed strange to me - was it strange to you?
Brotha's on the street, and everyone is scared a ya -
So how could ten Africans represent America?

Bullshit - It didn't mean a thing
'Cause in the same year, we saw Rodney King

So I thought that I would put a team together
A team that I have been waitin' for forever
Some'a you may know what I mean
But if you don't then lemme introduce you to...

Yeah, Sista Rosa Parks, she gets the first seat on the bench! and Dr. King, webring him in in a pinch.

Because I like to shoot hoops not brothas! ...
Because I like to shoot hoops not brothas!

:: scribbled at 1:12 AM ... ... o

Friday, July 14, 2006


The Contender is back for a second season! and it starts with a two hour premiere! and Jeff Fraza is back! yay! *squeals* *thanks stars for Dish ability to record*

oh, i am so right there, glued to the set, with a big bowl of popcorn for munching.

if you know me? don't call Tuesday night between 10 and midnight. i'm just sayin'.

:: scribbled at 10:24 PM ... ... o

so, i had an 'aha!' moment tonight that felt a little more like a Clue By Four.

i've spent time thinking about the relentless progression of expectations - you graduate high school, you go to college, you get a job, you get a spouse, you get a house, you get a promotion, you have 2.5 kids, you get a station wagon, and a dog, and an IRA, and an accountant... and... and... are you as tired as i am from reading that list?

in the past, i've rebelled against the patriarchy inherent in that progression. and i've thought about how the progression should be defined. should there be a different path, a different standard, a self-defined progression ...but i've never seriously questioned the idea of a linear progression.

and tonight? bricks crashing down around my ears.

hubby and i, we're doing well. our relationship rocks. MedSm is happy (altho pooped from summer activities - which i think is good, altho he disagrees).

so, what are the bricks?

Brick 1: Career. 'at almost 40, shouldn't you be on a career path?'
Brick 2: Home. we're juggling insane finances to pay for our home. at nearly 40 for me, and past that for hubby. 'at 40, shouldn't you have a handle on your mortgage?'
Brick 3: Finances. i saw a button the other day that neatly sums it up - 'all grown up, and still living paycheck to paycheck'. not a pin i should be wearing, At Almost 40.
Brick 4: Kids. ohmigod, kids. yes, i have one who loves me. but. hubby and i, we want one that we produce together. and ohmigod, see above, living paycheck to paycheck.
Brick 5: Commitments. so, these are all self imposed. and i have gotten better about committing, and managing, and did i mention committing? ~sigh~ but, still.

and there are a bazillion minor brickbats.

and then (as kate would say) i got it. i really got it.

it is not about the linear.

it is not about Moving Forward In A Straight Line.

it is about progression - which may be linear, circular, zig zag, repetitive, or back and forth. the direction doesn't matter.

The Direction Doesn't Matter.

what matters is movement.

as long as i don't lay down and accept where i am, as long as i'm open to movement, as long as i'm open to possibility - it doesn't matter what direction.

we can all create our own possibilities, and our own "standards", and our own expectations.

and that, the willingness to be open to the possibility, is what lets us move.

:: scribbled at 1:40 AM ... ... o

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

so, a couple of things really hit me the other night. (virtually, of course. *g*)

i finally get where i am on the hamster wheel, and i see all over again why i love my hubby. and the two are related.

i've had a hard time waking up, lately. some of it comes from trying to live the Rock Star Lifestyle of late nights and hard partying... well, at least the late night part. ;) and some of it... i haven't really known. i wake up on time, and then... just lie there, thinking. and i've become immensely protective of my 'me' time, even more so than before.

and then i saw it: it's the hamster wheel. i get up, and from the moment my feet hit the floor, i'm going. working, doing for others, juggling schedules, working, shuttling small child, running a home... just... going. and i stay up late to get alone time. and i resist waking up because i'm tired, and i don't want to get back on the wheel.

all of this leads to realization #2: My Husband Is Outstanding.

because i see all of this, and i walk downstairs, and i ask him to pause his show. 'i need to tell you what i've done today, and i need a gold star for it. i'm not doing this to poke you to do more, i just want a pat on the back.' he paused his show, nodded, and listened.

'i stayed up late last night, made pasta salad and egg salad so we have lunches for a few days, cleaned the bathroom, emptied the dishwasher, and talked to MedSm about schedules. today, i got up, packed his lunch, made sure he took his vitamin, took him to camp, got the schedule for field trips, went to work, negotiated schedules with TEW, made sure she had all the info about camp, went to a meeting for my second job, came home and answered messages, cataloged books for the library, and checked on the hermit crabs. i have done a lot of shit today. and it's okay to be tired.'

hubby, to his credit, listened to the whole schpiel, got up, gave me a kiss, and gave me all the gold stars i wanted. goddess love him for being able to step out of his own head, his own space, and just *listen*.

the man, he is good. :)

:: scribbled at 11:20 PM ... ... o

Monday, July 10, 2006

tonight's episodes:

me: honey, if you're wiped out, don't stress yourself - i'll get the rest of the groceries.
hubby: *wipes face* *turns grey* *heads back out door*
me: *low key muttering*
MedSm: beth, what does stubborn mean?
me: 'i'm gonna do it my way! or else!'
MedSm: yep, that's my dad.

me: MedSm, how is it that you weight a third of me, but make twice the noise going down stairs?
MedSm: because i have feet of *mumblemumble* [note: walking down stairs and facing away from me at the time]
me: whuhah?
MedSm: [pausing, and turning around to shoot me Austin Powers hands] because i have feet of steel! which are like buns of steel, but nicer!
me: *falls over laughing*
hubby: eh? what happened?
[subsequent re-enactment, and much more laughter. 'buns of steel, but nicer' may become a catch phrase.]

:: scribbled at 12:28 AM ... ... o