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Saturday, January 21, 2006

ai yah.

y'know, i know that many people have bigger problems than mine, so i really shouldn't complain all that much. i have a loving spouse, loving kid, family, friends, home, job, health...

and yet, at the end of a day like this, i just want to burst into tears, i'm so tired. to wit:

6:45 am: alarm goes off.
7:20 am: dressed, down the stairs, packing snacks for MedSm and explaining that he'll have hot lunch today (because i can't countenance packing a sandwich).
7:30 am: ask MedSm to brush teeth.
7:35 am: ask MedSm if he's brushed teeth.
7:40 am: ask MedSm if he's brushed teeth.
7:45 am: ask MedSm if he's brushed teeth.
7:50 am: threaten to remove MedSm's teeth, and duct tape sneakers to his feet.
7:50.5 am: manage to leave house, relatively intact.
7:51 am: watch MedSm take a digger down the front stairs (only 3, thankfully) as he remains engrossed in his GameBoy.
8:07 am: get MedSm to school, have arguement over wether he's on time for 8:10 start of school. receive evil eye when i refuse to argue and say 'what. ever.'
8:15 am: finesse things in school office over various issues - none of which involves MedSm being late.
8:45 am: arrive at work.
5:15 pm: leave work. (the intervening time is best left alone, for now. there was An Issue today which took altogether far too long to resolve, and all else was picayune details.)
6:00 pm: arrive at haircut appointment. small sanity break.
6:30 pm: start grocery shopping for the week. call home to let hubby know. spend the next two hours between stores and mentally inventorying the cupboards.
8:30 pm: buy bottle(s) of wine.
8:45 pm: arrive home, tote bags of groceries and wine upstairs. sort mail, feed animals, put away groceries, empty dishwasher, start load of laundry so MedSm will have a basketball uniform tomorrow morning (at 8 am, which means a 6:30 start for some of us), and try to make dinner for self. MedSm expressed surprise that i haven't eaten yet, but doesn't apologize for eating *all* the pizza.
8:46 pm: anticipate next hour or so, and whine to hubby, who advises 'procure helmet.' (as life is always hard, and he's right.)
8:47 pm: open bottle of wine.
9:45 pm: catch up with Chica Bean, find out what's up with her, use many inappropriate words on the phone; MedSm is still awake, and has the volume muted on his Gameboy, all the better to hear Dirty Words. ;)
10:30 pm: reply to several emails about volunteer and school commitments.
10:31 pm: revisit idea of volunteering.
midnight: fish laundry out of dryer, and feel overwhelming impulse to document my sad, sad day. :)

and yet, i'll get up and do it all over again tomorrow. minus the office, but plus MedSm all day. i love him, yes i do, i love this kid. but 15 hours straight of seven year old energy on a rainy day... is rough. thankfully, there's basketball in the (wee hours of the) am, and we have a plan to see a matinee movie tomorrow.

yewfah. off to snuggle with my cat and my hubby, not necessarily in that order. ;)


:: scribbled at 12:03 AM ... ... o



Wednesday, January 18, 2006

i feel like i sort of dropped the ball, so to speak, after outing the elephant.

so, wicked brief recap of the last few weeks, best as i can recall:

Medium Small's finger has healed. we're still tussling over karate - why he's going, and if he should keep going. basketball is good. school is pretty decent, altho he's back to (still at?) some social issues. gawd... can we ever really remember how hard it is to work all that out - friends, peers, how to deal with adults, yadayada - once we get out of it? yewfah.

hubby has started a second gig, in addition to the magic, one which affords us insurance. and that's a good thing, as he's injured himself on the job. here's hoping that the insurance kicks in to cover the worker's comp claim. *wry grin* he's healing, which is good. and i brought him a roast beef sandwich from Kelley's in the ER, after i'd dropped him off there, which made him happy. i only regret that i didn't bring enough sandwiches for everyone there. doesn't it rot to be sitting around waiting?

life here is good, if topsy turvy. MedSm is dealing with many changes up north (stepbrothers are gone for an indeterminate amount of time), and many changes here (see above). hubby and i are both figuring out what it means to be working at least full time, if not more.

and i'm rather confused by all of it. i feel good about the current project, happy with what i'm still able to do for the school, panicked about getting chores done, disappointed that i'm not putting a proper dinner on the table every night, relieved about the positive cash flow, forgetting things every which way because i'm sooooo dang tired... gah!

small happy Parent Moment the other night: MedSm had a bad dream (that's not the happy part), and his first instinct was to call for me to come help him. i'm immensely honored to have worked up to that place in his life. hubby, as it turns out, was the one to go check, because it wasn't clear what the issue was, and if it was a Boy Moment (bed wetting), it's better to have hubby check first.

pig, my dwarf hammie, is doing fairly well. i've changed his diet all around to a custom blend with very little if no sugar, and liquid vitamins in his water. he seems happier, drinking less, and peeing a bit less, altho his sugars are still thru the roof. much to my delight, i finally managed to score Keto-Diastix to test his levels and make sure he doesn't lapse into ketoacidosis. not sure if there will be anything to do, should he reach that point, other than comfort him, but that at least would make me feel like a better pet parent.

pig, btw, has become the loviest little animal - i can pick him up, carry him anywhere, and he comes over to the door of his cage when i call. spoiled little man - i think he expects treats. :)

oh! my sis is coming up here for a conference next month, and managed to wangle a few extra days. so she'll be staying with us - yay! - and i have the honor of hosting her baby shower. :)

speaking of babies, we got to visit bro-in-law #2 and his wife last week, with MedSm in tow. the big treat was meeting Peanutte, our 3 month old niece. ohmilord, but she is tiny! when she was born, she was within 3 ounces of my birth weight. she's since doubled her weight, and i was still panicked about breaking her. called my mom the next day, and explained what a visceral appreciation i now begin to have of her experience as a first-time mom. oh. mi. god. how my mom didn't lose her mind, i do not know.

*sharp right* this weather is absolutely insane. not the rain and wind today, or the freezing temps yesterday, or the balmy temps last week, but the whole of it. it's like being on a big seesaw. and my poor garden. if any of my bulbs make it thru and bloom, i'll be happy. i still apologize to them every morning, when i walk out the door.

*sharp left* the hardest part of my day was this: typing in donor info for an 11 month old boy and a 3 day old girl. how can you see those numbers as anything other than heartbreak? mostly, i can see my work as statistics, or informed decision, or material for positive medical advancement. but with those numbers... i can't see anything other than the families.

feh. it's late, i'm tired, and i have to go back to it all again tomorrow. there is a lesson in this somewhere. but i think i need more sleep to find it.


:: scribbled at 11:45 PM ... ... o



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