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Saturday, May 7, 2005

the human brain is an amazing engine, and the power of sense memories, and what they dredge out of the brain, never ceases to amaze me.

so, i'm playing this mind-deadening game tonight (a pox on yahoo online games!) - what i affectionately refer to as 'mind-suck' games, for the addictive qualities that i find in them. it's sort of like Tetris, but with spheres. the spheres are apparently (based on the sound effects) tiny super balls - you know, the little rubber bouncy balls that are supposed to be able to achieve stratospheric heights, right?

as i'm playing, and letting my mind wander (i find it's easier to play these games if you don't pay too much attention - just play, don't analyze, which is why they're good opiates for me - damn, that's a long segue!), i start listening to the sound effects. squeak, squeak, squeak, bounce, squeak, bounce... there's got to be a better description for bounce than bounce. sort of like trying to describe the sound from the Law & Order intro - everyone knows the sound, but what's the right onomatapeic word for it?

anyway, i'm droning along, listening and letting my mind wander, and looking at the sparkly balls in the game, and all of a sudden, i remember. when i was about 5, i had a gold translucent super ball with sparkles in it. man, i loved that toy beyond reason. i hung on to that thing and played with it until it shredded. i was going to say shredded from overuse, but if you keep playing with a toy because it makes you happy, is that overuse?

i remember carrying that ball around in the pocket of my red windbreaker, and checking every now and again to make sure it was still in my pocket. i loved the sparkles, and the fact that you could see thru the ball... and yes, it really did bounce all the way up to the sky. :)

i haven't thought about that toy in probably 25 years or more. amazing what gets stored away in the brain, and what keys unlock those memories, isn't it?

:: scribbled at 10:37 PM ... ... o

Thursday, May 5, 2005

so, i'm driving along the other day, and as i slow to a stop behind a small grey car, i look over to my right. no particular reason, just look.

and in the deep blue car in the lane next to me is a guy in a black short sleeve t shirt, arm resting just along the window (or where it would be, as he rolled it down - is there a name for that spot?), singing his heart out.

and, man, he looked happy. singing, driving, soaking up the sun, looking like he had not a care in the world right at that moment. and it made me laugh, the happy kind of laugh.

isn't that one of the best feelings? just driving and singing and being. i happened to be listening to a mix tape at the time, which i probably pulled out and popped in the tape deck because i've been listening to an excellent mix CD my sis sent along last week. it's sort of put me in the mix mindset, and just thinking about music in general. her mix, Free Entertainment!, is for dancing around the living room. just because. the mix tape in my car, down the dirt road, is sort of an acoustic version of every breakup i ever had - not as depressing as it sounds. (interestingly, i made it shortly before getting together with The Dane, and perhaps i purged something in making that mix. it's all gotten much, much better than i ever thought possible.)

so, music. i'm thinking about making another mix, this one called either Songs to Drive By or Shit You Sing in the Car. i want it to be all songs you'd belt out at the top of your lungs, songs you'd crank up *loud*, songs that make you drive a little faster, feel a little happier. what would you put on a tape like that? what are *your* songs to drive by? suggestions welcome, and i'll post the final mix list when the tape happens. (warning: there could be substantial production lag time. just saying.) if you like the list and want a copy, i'll be happy to dupe you a copy, tape format for sure, CDs possible.

:: scribbled at 8:48 PM ... ... o

Tuesday, May 3, 2005

reeeeeally long day.

some of it was annoying - taking two hours to do a one hour drive, say, because traffic sucked big green donkey balls. some of it was a bit unnerving; discussing how much to insure your husband for, in case *knock on wood* sort of thing, is not the cheeriest of topics. and some was tiring. i hate driving in the rain.

some was good. i really enjoyed being able to help some friends move, because it's satisfying to give back some of the many kind gestures others have given us thru our moves.

and some was just filling. Chef treated us all to a great dinner tonight, and i think i may not need to eat for several days. :)

:: scribbled at 12:40 AM ... ... o

Monday, May 2, 2005

let's try this again, because i think the triple negative may be bad juju (at least in the grammar world):

i have every faith that there is a gift to be found in the changes in the near future. at least one gift, maybe more. who knows where this path will take us? there may be a better space, a place with a yard, a way to save more money, a space with better energy for the three of us, perhaps even a place where Little Small could walk to school.

and as i said to LS yesterday, trying to allay fears before they arose, as much as things may change, more things will stay the same. he'll be in the same school, will still get to go to karate, will still see the same friends, will still be on the same schedule - extrapolating that to my perspective, we'll still be in the same great town, still see the same people, still have the same structure as a family - and that's what it comes down to. we're still going to be a family going forward.

the positives outweigh the negatives, even on the surface, given the right perspective. and who knows what else there is to be discovered?

for the record, i want it to be known that it took twice as long as it should have to type out the first few sentences, because strat was sitting on my lap, impeding access to the keyboard. to a cat, a blog means nothing. ;)

:: scribbled at 12:18 AM ... ... o

Sunday, May 1, 2005

hubby told a funny joke at dinner tonight:

did you hear about the Buddhist monk who meditated before going in for any work on his teeth?

he was trying to transcend dental medication.


:: scribbled at 1:03 AM ... ... o