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Friday, March 25, 2005

humming along, trying to get organized this Easter week; we're having company (!) for Easter, and i'm excited.

Easter has also been an interesting season for us as a family; Little Small has come along for the Palm Sunday and Maundy Thursday services, as has The Dane, who also came to Ash Wednesday. i think those have all been firsts, for both of them. and it's been an educational exercise for me to explain these services, these observances, these things i've been doing all my life, to newcomers. LS gets points for patience and endurance, for sure; he's only 6, and an hour and a half must feel like an eternity, but to his credit, he pays attention, and asks questions.

some of his questions really throw me. 'who was the first person, ever?' came wafting out of the back seat today. huh. how do i explain my personal blend of science and religion, and answer his question honestly, while respecting whatever his birth mother's church is teaching him? there's plenty of time for exploration, and i don't want to confuse him. and yet a direct question deserves a direct answer. such a balancing act, this stepparenting gig.

anyway, i've been busy planning and cleaning and organizing lately, and will be doing much more of the same the next few days. so - peaceful Spring wishes to all, and Easter wishes to those who observe, and see you in a few days!


:: scribbled at 9:41 PM ... ... o



Tuesday, March 22, 2005

oh, it's been a very interesting few days, boys and girls.

some of it has just been being busy; busy with doing and being and living. and that's been good. life has a happy hum to it these days. many productive things are happening, i have the great good fortune of having met some wonderful people lately who are reaching out to me, and life is perking along, as i continue to find my way forward.

and then there's the rest. i suppose it isn't realistic to divide events neatly into Productive and Other, especially when there's really only one major category for Other. i suppose i should be trying to see things as part of an overall whole. then again, if that's what helps me make sense of the days, is it all that bad?

oh, small aside: Doris at the electric company had the worst day of anyone last week. turns out that the letter i received? went out by mistake. to many, many people. Doris, i think, wins the booby prize for Worst Week at Work. here's hoping this week is better for her.

the Other, as it turns out, was a 'come to Jesus' phone conversation with the exwife, in which i was involved, as both topic and participant. it was two days ago, and i'm still recovering, physically and mentally. sweet Jesus, but the woman is exhausting (as many emotional vampires are). over an hour solid of her whining about how damn hard her life is, and how *we* are the reason she has a shitty job and a bad commute and a hard time talking to her kid and is essentially a single parent and never sees her husband and has such a hard life as a stepmother *cough* and is seen as a bad parent by all the other parents at the school and doesn't have the life she wanted and doesn't have a pretty pink princess dress and shiny tiara.... well, okay, the last two she didn't mention. but all the rest? we are to blame. you might think that the bad parent rap could be pinned on us, and it could if we were complaining about her, but that would involve us talking about her. and we don't. she feels that she looks bad because we volunteer, and she doesn't. *hands on hips* now, who can fix that one? eh? riiiiiiight. *not us*.

much of my side of the conversation involved much biting of the tongue, and also suggesting that she talk to the people with whom she had the problem. it went something like this -

she: 'i have all these problems with X! and you need to know i have problems with X! and what are you going to do with X?'
me: 'nothing. i suggest you talk to X.'
she: *dead silence* 'i have all these problems with Y!'

lather, rinse, repeat, ad nauseum. throw in the time she insulted my husband - incredibly bad move. (for the record, i didn't raise my voice, or swear, once.) when i told her that she was rude, and the conversation should stay on an adult level, she got... a wee bit defensive, and said it was (repeat after me, boys and girls - you guessed it) all our fault. she demanded apologies from my hubby, rather than just saying she was sorry, and that slammed every button i have, because she just couldn't own her behavior without striking out at others. so. i briefly lost my mind, and asked that she apologise for calling me something immensely obscene, which i won't bother to reprint here. and do you know, she tried to defend it? 'i was angry, and you deserved it, because my ex pissed me off!', essentially, was her response. (never mind that i had nothing to do with the triggering incident, and screaming matches don't help solve things.) about 30 seconds into this, it was clear that i was only selling myself short, so i said 'this is nonproductive. apologies all around, clean slate, and let's move forward on a positive note.' *deep breath* in the eye of the storm, it's sometimes hard to see that getting into the mud pit with everyone else doesn't do any good. and i regret that i briefly lost sight of that. but i don't regret that i called her on her behavior, and got an apology out of her.

*sigh* just... so tiring. not my job to be her emotional babysitter, nor to hold her hand.

here's the wonderful, fantastic, amazing thing about the phone call: my husband had my back the whole way, and i had his. we make a great team. sucks to high heaven that we have this to deal with, but we are a great team nonetheless.

the saddest thing is that her biggest problem is that my hubby and i are a team, and she and her hubby aren't. she literally said that it's not fair to her that we (me and hubby) are a team. *shakes head* so... nobody should be happy if she isn't. eh. see earlier point: talk to the person with whom you actually have the problem.

okay, back to Productive: we (hubby, Little Small and me) had a lovely time this past Sunday going to a maple sugaring event. we got to tromp around in the woods, see people we haven't seen in ages, chop logs, drill sugaring tap holes, watch the boiling process, and have pancakes. it was a gloriously beautiful day, the first in ages, and we had fun, and we got pancakes. how much better can it be? ;) we're going back there this weekend, for an Easter Egg hunt, and i'm really looking forward to it.

little moments, or small chunks of the day, where Good Things Happen, are things that i really treasure lately, and that help feed the engine, so all the rest is possible.


:: scribbled at 9:13 PM ... ... o



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