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Saturday, November 27, 2004

mmmmmmm... turkey. :)

yesterday, i cooked my first full-on turkey dinner. (hosted Turkey Day at my place once, years ago, but haven't done so since. i think people were scared away because a) i was veg, and mom had to bring the turkey, and b) i made all sorts of non-traditional stuff. tomato basil bisque didn't work for them as a starter, i suspect.)

anyway, by all reports, dinner was a smashing success. it was a full day of cooking and puttering, complete with a smoke alarm in the middle (what Turkey Day is complete without a little smoke and excitement?). and then we sat down to dinner, The Dane and Little Small and me. the menu included turkey, onion-sage stuffing, homemade gravy, homemade cranberry sauce, garlic mashed potatoes, butternut squash, peas and onions, roasted sweet potatoes and red onions, rolls, and pumpkin cheesecake with whipped cream. i have never done this before, and it was great fun. maybe we'll even be able to have company next year. :)

the nicest part, for me, was sitting down to a pretty table full of good food with my two favorite guys. LS, i think, got a little wigged out, because The Dane and i were all gushy happy about things, and the idea that people might cry when they're happy is still a bit foreign to him. we cut to the chase pretty quickly after that, and started comparing notes on the stuffing and veggies - went over much better. ;)

it's a good feeling to have a happy family.

:: scribbled at 9:17 AM ... ... o

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

an interesting meme courtesy of zenchick (thanks, sweetie!).

(it's a complete cut and paste, hence the capital letters - which you know is not my style! ;) )

(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical artist, song, or album

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your blog/journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything & say that you stole it from me.

all aboard, y'all! :)

eta: responses are in the comments, just so you know. :)

:: scribbled at 11:45 PM ... ... o

i was going to respond in the comments on the previous post, but this really deserves its own entry, i think.

thank you to everyone who has commented along the way; your support is part of what makes this easier. yes, fear is having its way with me, as is anger and regret. but so is joy, and gratefulness, and exhilaration.

and it's actually going to be pretty easy for me to enjoy the holiday and be thankful this year. that may seem odd, in light of the fact that The Dane and i are both gainfully unemployed, with no severance packages and no insurance after the end of the month. but it's true.

things for which i am grateful:

  • my friends and family, who remind me how good it is to be here every day.

  • my sweetheart, the love of my life, The One, who makes all of this worthwhile, and who is a rock for me.

  • my best friend, whose love amazes me every day.

  • Little Small, whose hugs and spontaneous humor light up my days.

  • my white cat (Strat), who has taken to sleeping against the small of my back at night.

  • my health, which is a gift not to be taken lightly.

  • i've been given a chance to reinvent myself.

  • i've been given a chance to examine what a life fully lived means for me.

  • the job market is more vibrant than it was a few years ago when we had the last round of layoffs.

  • i have options - the fact that i have enough options to need to sit down and think about what i want to do, rather than having to seek out the next bean counting job because all i know is bean counting, is a gift.

  • we get to see all sorts of friends and family this weekend, as well as spending a day at home, roasting a turkey i earned for free.

  • i own my car outright, have very little debt, and some resources on which to lean.

  • learning to ask for directions and advice is not so painful, and in fact quite liberating.

  • we have some wonderful financial planners working for us, in whom i have great faith. also, we have a great counselor who helps with the sanity check.

  • this is happening when i'm at a good place in my life - in a good, healthy, committed relationship, building a family that's a cornerstone for me, with resources to help fend off the depression to which i am prone.

  • we have pretty much what we need; we have clothes, furniture, a fully stocked kitchen, toys and books for Little Small - we really only need to worry about smaller things.

  • this all works together as an invitation to reenter a life of practice - meditation, yoga, mindfulness. i don't think it's an accident that i set up my altar this week.

so, as unsettling as the layoffs are, there is much for which to be grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! safe travel and good wishes.

:: scribbled at 9:25 PM ... ... o

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

it's all still quite freaky.

it's been *mumble*15* years since i've been without a job - and at that point, it was by choice, more or less. i'm not feeling as young and spry about this. there must have been a similar feeling of unease at the time, but i don't really remember. (the ability to forget, i find, is one of the things that lets us move forward as human beings.)

katherine may have summed it up best in a comment here - fear has its on/off way with me every 15 minutes or so. surprisingly, it's not taking a huge toll on me in terms of IBS flares or migraines. i do find, however, that the dirty little secret of being laid off is that it's exhausting. having your world shaken upside down, like someone emptying a trash bin, leaves you (okay, me) wanting a really big nap every afternoon. as in, a few hours nap.

and i find that the hardest thing about this - wait, no - two hard things about this are these. one: i've been the person with the answer for so long that it's hard to let go of that and ask for help. my family and friends rock. and i find that once i get past the 'no, no, i'm fine, no problem' and just bite the bullet and ask for advice or opinions, they come thru in flying colors. it's just... letting go of that idea of myself has been a bit rocky. know what i mean?

also, the whole process of negotiating DUA, figuring out what my options are (and they are myriad), and deciding where to focus my energies seems overwhelming at times. breaking it down into 'here are 5 calls you need to make today' simplifies it, but... gah. if you know me (control freak with answers and a drive to be perfect), you'll know how much of a challenge charting these unknown waters is for me.

all of which is not to whine, but to say: damn. whoofdy. good bit of work, and there are possibilities. love my friends and family, and appreciate the chances (and changes, which is what i first typed) that are falling out of the woodwork. there are opportunities, and challenges, and amazing changes ahead. and it's a hell of a ride. keep your fingers crossed for me/us, yeah? thanks, y'all.

:: scribbled at 10:23 PM ... ... o

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Monday Madness:

1. What is your favorite sport?

besuball. basketball (old skool 70s style) is a close second, for the sheer balletic grace of the game. and (god forgive me) golf.

2. Do you watch sports on television?

not often; i generally catch up on the Wild World of Sports when i'm home sick. i do enjoy watching the weekend competitions, especially in winter sports, and even more the X Games sort of thing. i spent a whole weekend watching snowboarding last year, trying to figure out the vocabulary strictly from the commentary. ;)

3. In high school, did you (or do you) play any sports?

i went out for track briefly, figuring that it didn't take any more skill than being able to run, so i should be able to do that. it was more challenging than i thought it would be. after that, i went back to theatre, and radio, and yearbook, and math club, and key club, and volunteering... yeah, even then i was a geek. prouder of it now. :)

4. Any favorite teams?

do you even need to ask? Red Sox, baby!

5. If applicable, did you (or do you) attend your child's games?

Little Small is currently taking karate classes, and it's a pleasure to watch him learn to master each series of forms. i expect he'll get involved in a few others along the way, and i intend to go to as many of the games as possible.

6. Do you think professional athletes make too much money?

mmmm. yes and no. apparently, the economy will sustain those salaries, so they can't be too outrageous, or the sports would collapse. on the other hand... it does seem a bit rich in some cases. it is only a sport. on the other other hand, we watch the games because we're entertained by them. and i don't see anyone complaining that other entertainers (singers, actors) are overpaid. eh. if it's really too much, there will be a self-correcting dip in the industries.

:: scribbled at 8:26 PM ... ... o

unconscious mutterings:

Reconnect:: network
Gearshift:: uphill
Mania:: seasonal disaffection
Manhattan:: Cosmo
First date:: teenager
District:: courthouse
Yearbook:: powder blue
Breakup:: painful
Episode:: phase
Costume:: makeup

:: scribbled at 8:48 AM ... ... o