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Thursday, October 14, 2004

owie. hurt.

i've been working on breaking up the mammoth iceberg of pain residing in my left shoulder/neck/head the last week. and sometimes i'm able to chip away at it. drugs rock, and thanks again to t for the heads up on Orudis KT, which is great. (i spent much time wandering the pharmacy aisles in a haze, trying to find the K drug in a green box, before re-finding that ketoprofen is marketed as something with K in the middle.) managing the stress helps. Tom's of Maine muscle balm helps (altho itching your nose directly after applying said balm is not such a help). the occasional glass of chardonnay doesn't hurt.

but sometimes the pain baps me on the head. constant low level pain is a big energy drain, and i find that i'm only able to give minimal attention to most tasks. as in, i'm able to make Little Small's lunch, but can't really process if he's happy or not to have grapes as a snack. i can show up for work, and negotiate projects, but can't really push too much. i can work on getting a good night of sleep, but can't really give myself up to truly restful sleep, between the pain, the baby monitor*, and negotiating space with The Dane and strat.

i tried explaining the pain to LS tonight, and said it's sort of like someone grabbing you by the neck with two fingers, then just pinchingpinchingpinchingpinching. i don't know as that made any sense to him, but he was very sweet about it all.

feh. hate pain. working on assembling a bevy of essential oils, on katherine's suggestion, and tips that Chica has given me over the years, so as to lock myself away in the bath tomorrow and soak away as much of this as i can. also working on the mental side of it, trying to find a way to just sit with the idea that some people, TEW prime among them, behave in ways that i find unacceptable, but that i can't escape. not accept it, just sit with it and let it be, no fixing, no agreeing, no ignoring, just sitting.

also very much looking forward to tomorrow night, because i've been invited out with a bunch of other moms (!) to try out the new Mexican place in town and catch up. can't tell you how happy that makes me, to be included in the "mom group", with some women i really like.

off to find another K pill...

* no baby, just a convenient way of hearing if LS is restless or having nightmares.

:: scribbled at 9:29 PM ... ... o

Monday, October 11, 2004

random notes:

it's amazing how physically exhausting a bad headache can be. i thought it was a migraine, but now i'm thinking it might be a pinched nerve (can we say stress, people? yipee!). in any event, i had a headache the other night, the second such one, where i was in so much pain i wanted to crawl out of my own body thru my toes to escape the pain. The Dane was a little scared, because (as he said) i had the look of an animal caught in a trap.

fortunately, he is good and kind, and i listened to something that katherine said recently about water energy, and i crawled into the hot bath that The Dane drew for me. (no, not with crayons.) it helped enough that i could get to sleep. i'm still paying for it, two days later.

i love the new wine glasses that we got, courtesy of Chica's parents, who got us a gift certificate after the house fire episode. they have a vine pattern etched in the glass. we also got a miscellany of treats, including an absolutely gorgeous bamboo cutting board.

Little Small is doing well in his new glasses; i think he gets how important they are, despite his worries that people will pick on him. (pleasepleaseplease don't let TEW pick on him too much...) already, we can see a huge improvement in his coordination, fine motor skills, and reading ability. and that's wonderful.

Little Small is also very funny. to wit, a conversation in the car the other day, told to me by The Dane:

Little Small: hey dad, did you hear that the shark that got lost on the Cape was a girl?
The Dane: no, buddy. was it?
LS: yeah, i thought that was funny.
TD: oh, yeah? how come?
LS: well, usually it's the boy sharks that won't ask for directions.

because, according to The Dane, in LS's Finding Nemo version of the world, all the sharks talk to each other, and it just should have asked for directions rather than being stuck in a pond for a week or two.

also, i love my partner very much. a short play, in one act and sound effects:


the plot is left as an exercise for the reader's imagination. ;)

:: scribbled at 9:28 PM ... ... o

rest in peace, Christopher.

What I've Learned: Christopher Reeve (1952 - 2004)

:: scribbled at 5:04 PM ... ... o

unconscious mutterings:

Spacious:: plains
Crash:: helmet
Autobiography:: sycophant
Sparkly:: ring
Wild Thing:: Maurice Sendak
Haagen-Daz:: indulgence
Sci-fi:: high school
Voice:: of reason
Boy Scouts:: idiocy*
Grief:: wailing

* note: for those of you who have been or are involved in Boy Scouts, i mean no personal slight. i take great issue with the organization's stance on gay members/leaders (hence the word association), but not with individuals.

:: scribbled at 1:38 PM ... ... o

howsabout a little holiday Monday Madness:

Name 3 things....

1....your ideal salad has on it.

black olives, excellently fresh vegetables, tasty dressing.

2....you do religiously in the morning.

swear at the alarm clock, brush my teeth and take my pills, tell the cat to behave as i leave the house.

3....you look forward to doing in your spare time.

spare time? what's that? if such a thing existed, i think lounging around with a good book, making bread, or napping whenever the urge struck would all be good.

4....you've never done before, but think you will at some point in your life.

get a tatoo, travel to Europe, have a kid.

5....you love to do while on vacation.

try new restaurants, go to museums or historic buildings,

6....you took pictures of in the last month.

hm. despite the fact i have a snazzy new camera, i don't think i've taken many pictures. last pictures i remember taking are of Little Small holding his first lost tooth, LS in his karate uniform, and lots and lots of sun and sand pictures from vacation.

7....you have to do before the end of the day.

eat, relax, kiss my sweetie good night.

8....you like about your best friend.

her compassion, wicked sense of humor, and hugs.

:: scribbled at 11:22 AM ... ... o