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Friday, April 18, 2003

i've been a little surprised lately by how strong my spirituality, and my need for it, has been.

it's always been there, but more in focus lately. it's Holy Week, the end of Lent, and nearly Easter. for many years, Christmas (specifically Christmas Eve) represented the cornerstone for me. God coming into this world as one of us? amazing. the last few years, tho, a shift has come about. the going is as amazing as the coming.

i always forget how powerful the Maundy Thursday service is. (if you're unfamiliar, the service is the anniversary of the Last Supper and betrayal.) it is so immensely humbling to watch people get down on their knees to wash someone's feet, out of love. such an intensely personal and intimate act, given so freely. and sitting in the dim chapel, quietly, watching the altar be stripped of all adornment, scrubbed clean, and draped in black is a powerful experience.

:: scribbled at 4:11 PM ... ... o

Thursday, April 17, 2003

from the news today (oddly, overseas coverage for this one):

For more than 1,000 years, the two giant sequoia trees thrived in the Mariposa Grove, eventually towering 30 stories into the sky. When they fell, a hole the size of a jetliner opened in the forest canopy.

It may be months before park biologists determine what did in the trees, but officials say the human traffic through the forest may have played a large role.

"We may be loving them to death,'' says park ranger Deb Schweizer.

what was surprising to me (and i really should know better) is that all of the things people can do, even hugging a tree can harm it. the acids left behind can damage the bark.

when i was little, i planted a maple tree out behind our house. there's a black and white picture of my father's father and me in front of that little maple, just when it was starting out, hanging up on the side of my fridge these days. and when we moved, i wished more than anything i could have packed up that tree and taken it with me. better, perhaps, that it stayed where it was. i hope the next family that moved in to my parents' old house, or maybe the family there now, has a little kid who clambers up and down that tree and thinks of it as theirs.

:: scribbled at 6:03 PM ... ... o

I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

that was one of the quotes in an entertaining email bill sent me this morning. the first was Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants, which unfortunately i happened to be reading just as a coworker came up behind me, and i had to read it out loud to justify the snorty laughter. but i digress.

i suppose i could have been a little more clever in talking about my date for tomorrow, tossing out a few witticisms and clever asides. in hindsight, i don't suppose the joke is even vaguely funny, is it, as The Dane and i are an item, and joking about a date makes... precisely no sense. fortunately, those of you who are in my little world have been very kind and gentle about the whole incident. and that helps.

it's a really big step, meeting his son. i don't even really want to get into the whole dogpile of meaning and expectation and responsibility just now, as much of that is generated by my own perfectionism and fear of failure (nice deadly duo, those), but suffice it to say i'm honored that The Dane trusts me enough to introduce me.

and it may or may not be pizza, but it most certainly won't be a trek to the Hall of Chucky [insert creepy horror film soundtrack of choice]. ;) nope, nosireebob.

i'm trying to put things out of mind just now, thinking instead of how damn cold it is today, and how i blithely wore summer shoes today and bitterly regret it, and about work, and Easter, and volunteering, and collecting a little money for Community Servings by bringing the books i pared out of my collection into the office, and about how my kitty has had an upset tummy the last few days. pretty much, just trying to keep an even keel and not let my panic get the better of me. also, chocolate. i find a liberal application of chocolate improves most situations, don't you?

:: scribbled at 5:51 PM ... ... o

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

so, the head is a little better today; i feel fortunate that the storm (or at least the physical symptoms) passed so quickly.

and it's good to hear that at least some people made it to the Widespread Panic show last night. i've heard them several times, and they always put on a good, mellow show. of course, i was most bummed because they ended up a bit short staffed, and cancelling at the last minute didn't exactly help. but with the head being better and all, i'm off to the second show tonight.

i'm still a bit nervous about ... strike that, in a *blind panic* about Friday. see, i have a date. shouldn't be that bad, right? i've done the dating thing, and know how it all works. ohhhhhhh... but not so much in this case. amazing how the thought of pizza with a four year old can strike terror into the staunchest of hearts. *shakes head*

:: scribbled at 5:29 PM ... ... o

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

oh, right. spring. 'bout time for one of these:

if you are riding a bike - PLEASE WEAR A HELMET. yes, i'm shouting. for the love of cheese, people, spend a few bucks, look uncool, end up with helmet hair, i don't care that you're only riding around the block or to the corner store or your buddy's house, deal with it, and wear a seatbelt when you're in a car, too. because i'm guessing that if you're too cool to wear a helmet, you're probably far too sassy for a seatbelt. just a guess.

please. be good to yourself. wear a helmet. be around to enjoy the next bike ride, okay?

:: scribbled at 7:02 PM ... ... o

today has been a collage of good and terrifying, that's for sure.

good: got my taxes done in under half an hour. jen would probably have my head for it, but i did put off the dreaded paperwork until today. fortunately, i can do the half page telefile and be done with it. no more midnight trips to the post office for me!

(yes, i did that once. no, it wasn't because it was entertaining, altho it was. my ex husband (fiancé at the time, and i just mistyped that as finance) had *forgotten* that it was important to do taxes. as my mechanic pointed out the other day, Uncle Sam tends to get a little snitty if you don't send him love letters 'round about this time of the year. so it was me filling out the damn forms and then driving down to the 24 hour post office. see a bad precedent there? i didn't.)

also good: lunch at Walden Pond. it's a quick drive from here, and it was sunny and gorgeous out today, and i wanted to drive. despite the lack of sunroof (i'm a wee bit jealous of dad), it was still pretty nifty to get out on the highway and tear around. The Dane and i had grabbed some sandwiches, and we sat on the wall by the pond, watching sunbathers (optimistic, methinks), lunchers, and kids puddling around the shoreline.

scary: massive vertigo attack. haven't had one in a while, and had forgotten how disabling it can be to not even be able to walk down the hall safely. it should pass soonish, i hope, but i've had to cancel plans for tonight, and that bums me out.

terrifying: jumping off the cliff. things are changing in my life. with the good comes responsibility. and i have a nearly pathological fear of failure. so this is all fairly terrifying. it may turn out that what looks like Acapulco may turn out to be much smaller. but right now, the water is looking pretty far away. and, of course, this last may be why i'm having the vertigo attacks. damn, i can't even get a panic attack right. *wry grin*

:: scribbled at 6:35 PM ... ... o

and so the season begins!

thanks to The Dane, he and i have tickets to a Red Sox home game on my birthday. he thought i was a bit bonkers telling him about this weeks and weeks ago. then he tried to buy tickets today. while i still may be bonkers for announcing with great gusto exactly what i want for my birthday, he has now experienced first hand the local mania for The Boys. not as if he didn't know; he is from Around Here, after all. but still, it's something else altogether to experience the feeding frenzy as fresh chum is thrown to the ticket buyers. ;)

actually, the season started before that. i've been watching the games, of course. i even started watching during spring training. how nice was that? cooped up here, in the snow and the slush and the potholes, watching the boys stretch out and get ready for the season down in sunny Florida. made for a nice few afternoons.

and i had a chance to head over to the park last week with my bro, who kindly invited me along for a private tour of sort, and the opportunity to hang out in the .406 Club for a while. i've always thought it was a bit of a bastardization of the park, but i will say, bastardization or not, it does have a pretty nifty view. plus the seats have padded arm rests. :)

it was very cool to walk thru the club, see bits and parts behind the scenes, walk thru the owner's box (shhhh!), the Legends Club (probably the one and only time i will ever see it, at $10,000 a game, unless it's the Yankees, in which case it's $15,000, or so i hear), and check out all of the memorabilia and displays. there's quite a bit about Ted Williams, of course. and there's a nifty wall of silver bats, repros of the batting awards everyone on the team has gotten. i got a big kick out of the old style jerseys, from back before they were even the Sox. and just getting to sit in the ritzy seats, watching the crew pull the park together for opening day, was pretty cool. while the game ended up postponed, the festivities were not, and they were all working hard to make it happen. i was particularly grateful not to be one of the folks working on top of the board, in the snow and ick, that's for sure.

anyhoo... Sox tickets for my birthday! whoo hoo! i'm also planning on getting up to a few Spinners games, because, really, how can you go wrong at $7.50 a pop? and that's the most expensive seat, too. ahh. baseball. 'bout time to dig out a bit my friend George wrote:

Baseball is the alpha and the omega. The First Pitch of the season is like the creation of the Universe: a white spherical mass of uniform density around which all else revolves comes into existence and announces its intentions with a crack that can be heard at the top of the stands and to the edge of space. As the season progresses, the constituent particles of matter condense out on to the field: players, referees, and fans in the case of baseball; stars, galaxies, and planets in the case of the Universe. Each is unique. The intricate dance they perform serves no purpose other than according to its own internal logic. The score goes up and sometimes it goes down. Soon enough, like an unwound clockspring, the game is over: the players file out, sometimes with a bang, but most often with a whimper. All that remains is dust and the stale smell of beer. Some of us who watched the beginning will also watch the end, but all are united in the inevitable dream that next universe, the universe that is to come, will be better than the last.

:: scribbled at 5:31 PM ... ... o

patience, cricket.

mike had tipped me to the latest Honda ad, Cog, the other day. it's well worth watching - very sexy what you can do with a few hundred car parts. altho it would seem that wasn't necessarily the opinion of the crew on take #606. ;)

:: scribbled at 11:47 AM ... ... o

Monday, April 14, 2003

there's been a lot of hard news lately - hard to read, hard to watch, hard to stomach. (eep - typo'd 'stomack' - where'd the Mid. English come from?)

so how about the complete history of Rockall instead?

On the 10 December, Denmark got diplomatic. The UK ignored it.

(thanks to ickle for pointing the way.)

:: scribbled at 6:00 PM ... ... o


amazing when your own words from over two years ago come back to thwomp you upside the head. i think i mean that in a good way...

:: scribbled at 3:02 PM ... ... o

Sunday, April 13, 2003

my best friend is amazing.

Chica Bean helped bring a new life into this world the other day. she's finally gotten enough sleep to be able to tell me the story, and it was worth the wait. saying that she assisted a birth so doesn't do the event justice. you go, girl - it's an honor to be friends with you. :)

:: scribbled at 1:21 AM ... ... o